NoE  School               
            Download as PDF file!  
	
	
		Not too long ago, in a small suburban Californian town not far from San Francisco,
 Mr. Maximillian Ouia, principal of this town’s grammar school, Noe School, 
 sat in a cushy chair in front of his staff of forty instructors, aids, and janitors.
 His icy look ran from man to woman and back again.
	     
     Wringing his hands, Principal Ouia said grimy, “Folks, Noc School has a crisis,
 a financial difficulty.  Frankly, this school is low on dough.
And owing to this critical situation,  I must cut a particular popular non-consonant
 from our curriculum.  From now on, this administration forbids you or any
 of your pupils from using or making any association with that fifth symbol,
 that non-consonant following D and prior to F, in any way in any of your classrooms.
 Got that?”
	     Noe School’s faculty sat aghast.  Nobody said a thing.     
      
      “Anyway, to avoid confusion, I’m  not talking about non-consonants A, I, O, U,
	and occasionally Y,” said Principal Ouia.  “This symbol I'm banning has many
 phonics sounds and is found fifth in a dictionary.  From this point on, no pupil
 can say a word that contains it,  look at it in any book, or put it in writing.
 You will omit that thing totally from Noe School.”

	     “But…but…but!” sang out Mr. Kumquat, who was an instructor in Room Six.
“Isn't that an impossibility?”
         “I quit,” said Miss Zucchini, a classroom assistant.
	     “Appalling!  Shocking!” said Miss Pistachio,  Noe School's librarian.
 “I must throw away most of my books.  Your policy, Mr. Ouia, allows only books
  with illustrations in our library stacks.”
	     Mr. Rutabaga, a day custodian, put in, “I'll start switching signs on our
 school doors with a bit of black paint!” Luckily Xit will still work.”
	     “Thank my lucky stars kids can't talk in my lunchroom?”    
 said Miss Coconut, Noe School's lunch lady.

	      Up until this point, Miss Anastasia Avocado, Room Four’s instructor, 
 had said nothing. This young, blond and trim woman had only taught
 at Noe School for six months and didn’t talk much among this group.
 But now, surprisingly, Miss Avocado burst out, “But isn't this ridiculous?
  Impractical!  Your proposal sounds disastrous, sir.”

	     Principal Ouia ran a hand through his thin, oily hair.  “Actually, it is
 Noe School District's School Board that insists upon this ban, Miss Avocado.
  Using that popular symbol at this school costs a lot.  It’s found in too many workbooks,
on almost all vocabulary lists, and occurs in too many handwriting drills.  I'm sorry.
This cut is crucial.”

	     “Can't you an activity that's not so important?” said Miss Avocado. “That non-consonant
 is vital to my instruction.”

	     “Last month I had to drop music  including chorus and band,”
 Principal Ouia said with a sigh.  “Prior to that I cut art instruction and gym class.
  As usual, this community’s public won’t allow any cuts to
 football in this school district although that sport costs
 big bucks to maintain. Accordingly, Anastasia, my hands stay bound."
 
	    “But how can our kids accomplish anything in class without it?”
 Miss Avocado in a shout.
	     
        Mr. Ouia swung his chair toward Miss Avocado. “Madam, control your outbursts!
  In a crisis you must try to do what you can. Without that costly symbol, our
 Noe School Board thinks your scholars will do all satisfactorily without a significant handicap.