A financial crisis! With dough running low at Noe School, Principal Maximillian Ouia bans that most popular non-consonant that follows d and is prior to f from that school's curriculum. That common writing symbol was also cut from this book!

Lipogram (from Ancient Greek: λειπογράμματος, "leaving out a letter") a kind of writing in which a particular letter or group of letters is avoided—usually a common vowel, and frequently "E", the most common letter in the English
language.

Noe School author note:
A while back, while browsing through a London bookstore, I came across the book A VOID by Georges Perec. From this book, I learned about lipogram writing. On the cover, it read: “There is not a single E is this novel. That’s right: no here, there, where, when: no yes, no love, no word the!”
I was enthralled. I read the entire 300 pages A VOID in one night, of course constantly searching for any missed E’s. I also began writing my own lipogram novel for young readers. I was sure there were many children as captivated by this lipogram idea as I was. The result was NOE SCHOOL, a book that I am particularly proud to have written, a book with a fun plot but not containing a solitary E.

Part 1

           Not long ago, in a small suburban town not far from San Francisco, California, Mr. Maximillian Ouia, principal of Noe School—this town’s only grammar school—sat in a cushy chair in front of his faculty. His icy look ran from man to woman and back again.
           Wringing his hands, Principal Ouia said, “Folks, what I’m about to say is grim but important. Our school district has a crisis. A financial difficulty. In short, this district is low on dough. And, owing to this sorry situation, I must drastically cut our school’s curriculum.”
           Pausing, Principal Ouia took a long sip of cocoa from his brown mug. His following words would stun his staff of forty instructors, aids, custodians, and librarians.
           “Starting right now, I am banning a popular non-consonant from our school. That’s right, from now on, this administration forbids you or any of your pupils from using that fifth symbol in our ABC’s, that non-consonant following D and prior to F in any of your classrooms. Got that?”
           Noe School’s staff sat aghast. Nobody said a thing.

           “From this day forward, no individual in this school can say any word containing that mark, look at it in any book, or put it in writing,” Principal Ouia said. “You will omit that symbol totally from your vocabulary, in your classrooms, in our hallways, and on our playground.”
          “But... but that’s ridiculous?” said Mr. Zucchini, an instructor in Room Six. “How can I do any form of schoolwork?”
           “Disastrous! Catastrophic!” said Miss Pistachio, a librarian. “I must toss out most of our books. This ban, Principal Ouia, allows only storybooks with illustrations in our library stacks.”
           “Good gravy,” said Miss Coconut, a lunch lady. “What food can I dish out in my lunchroom? Pizza is still OK. But if I cook pizza all school days, kids would grow sick of it.”
           Mr. Rutabaga, a school janitor, put in, “Discombobulation! I can’t do my job right. All I can do is mop floors and wash windows.”
           Until now, Miss Anastasia Avocado, Room Four’s instructor, had said nothing. This young woman had only taught at Noe School for six months and didn’t talk much among this staff. But now, surprisingly, Miss Avocado stood and said, “This is absurd, Principal Ouia! So impractical! How could avoiding that common non-consonant possibly cut our costs? In my opinion, sir, your proposal sounds totally nuts.”
           Principal Ouia ran a hand through his thin, oily hair. “Actually, Miss Avocado, this is not my plan. Our school district board insists upon this ban. That worthy group calls it School Policy Sixty-Six. And for your information, madam, using that symbol at our school costs a colossal amount. It’s found in too many workbooks, on almost all vocabulary lists, and occurs in much too much writing.”
           “Why can’t you cut an activity that’s not so important?” said Miss Avocado. “That non-consonant is vital to my instruction.”
           “Last month I had to drop our music program,” Principal Ouia said with a sigh. “Prior to that I cut art and gym class. Accordingly, Anastasia, my hands stay bound.”
          “But how can our kids accomplish anything in class?” said Miss Avocado, almost shouting. “How can I do quality instruction? This policy, sir, isn’t just shocking…it’s flat-out crazy!”
           Principal Ouia swung his chair toward Miss Avocado. Bang! His fist struck his palm. “Madam, control your outbursts. In a crisis you must do what you can. Without that costly symbol, our school board thinks your class will do OK. And that’s final! Now this discussion is through, staff. You may go back to your classrooms!”



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