The Noise Expert

We each have special talents.
That is what our teachers tell.
Matthew is a whiz in math.
Sabrina does spelling well.
Drew’s the best at Double Dutch.
Sam spits farthest of the boys.
But Tammy’s skill tops them all.
She’s a pro at making noise.
She slaps her cheeks, clicks her teeth.
Her belches are seconds long.
And with hands in her armpits,
She trumpets a catchy song.
She whistles through her fingers,
Or into a blade of grass.
She can blow on her forearm,
Imitating passing gas.
Her knuckles crack like gunshots.
Her two palms squeal with a squeeze.
Fingers snap like castanets,
She plays drum rolls on her knees
My report cards show straight A’s,
I play soccer like a star.
What’s that to Tammy’s talent?
Someday that girl will go far.
🎼Hear the song The Noise Expert! (video) Listen and watch
🎼Hear The Noise Expert! music by Matt Van Brink performance by Concordia Conservatory Listen
Download pdf

TwistsTwists 2
Free e-book PDF downloads

Luke Dellar, age twelve, is weary of his flip-flop life. He flies to his father's house in San Diego one month and back to his mother's house in Seattle the next. He's even more tired of taking pills for his ADHD that has worsened since his parent's divorce. A solution to his flip-flopping, pill-popping life? Run away and hike the Pacific Crest Trail, a 2650 mile, five-month journey from the Mexican border to the Canadian border.
BuyThru Hiker Amazon hardback
BuyThru Hiker Amazon paperback
BuyThru Hiker Kindle format
BuyThru Hiker Apple Books e-book format
BuyThru Hiker Google Play Books e-book format
BuyThru Hiker Barnes & Noble e-book format
BuyThru Hiker Amazon Audiobook Audible

The Thinking Cap is gone!
The rousing sequel to Apple Island, or the Truth About Teachers!

The Thinking Cap has been stolen, and Bradley Zimmerman, by request from the Gods of Education on Mount Academy, must take another long and perilous journey to try and retrieve it. Not only that, he must first rescue his class (again) from Flunk, God of Failure and Lord of the Underschool!
BuyBradley's Odyssey Amazon paperback
BuyBradley's Odyssey Kindle format
Buy Bradley's Odyssey Apple Books e-book format
BuyBradley's Odyssey Google Play e-book format
BuyBradley's Odyssey Barnes & Noble e-book format
ListenBradley's Odyssey Amazon Audiobook Audible

Anonymous

I enjoy reading funny poems,
From Ogden Nash to Roald Dahl,
But of the poets that I read,
Anonymous is best of all.
Each time I read a funny poem,
With Anonymous below it,
I wonder why she’s still unknown.
Who is this wonderful poet?

Maxwell School Elementary School is larger on the inside than the outside. The vast maze of hallways and classrooms is divided into two wings, the North Wing where students attend classes and the South Wing, the Unknown Zone, that is off limits to everyone. Rumors abound about this forbidden wing, especially about Classroom One, said to grant the one true wish, the inner most desire, of anyone who steps inside.
BuySchool School Amazon paperback
BuySchool School Kindle format
BuySchool School Apple Books e-book format
BuySchool School Google Play Books e-book format
BuySchool School Barnes & Noble e-book format
BuySchool School Amazon Audiobook Audible

"Round the world! There is much in that sound to inspire proud feelings; but whereto does all that circumnavigation conduct? Only through numberless perils to the very point whence we started." Ishmael in Moby-Dick
BuyMVP: Magellan Voyage Project Amazon hardback
BuyMVP: Magellan Voyage Project Amazon paperback
BuyMVP: Magellan Voyage Project Kindle format
BuyMVP: Magellan Voyage Project Apple e-book format
BuyMVP: Magellan Voyage Project Google Play paperback/e-book format
BuyMVP: Magellan Voyage Project Barnes & Noble paperback/e-book format

"Beneath its blissfully buoyant surface, The Elevator Family has something important to say about the effect of one family on the world and vice versa. But that theme never overwhelms the gentle humor."
Margaret Quamme, The Columbus Dispatch
"A delightful surprise... In an age where we are taught to be suspicious, The Elevator Family may be a nod to a simpler time. But it's a nice reminder that if we took to the time to get to know the people swirling around us, we'd likely find a lot of good."
Dennis Thompson, Theatre Roundtable of Central Ohio

All New Edition!

Class out of control? Will no regular substitute dare enter the fourth-grade classroom? It's time to press the red button under the office clock to summon Miss Subway, the Substitute of Last Resort.
BuyThe Substitute of Last Resort Amazon paperback
BuyThe Substitute of Last Resort Kindle format
BuyThe Substitute of Last Resort Apple Books e-book format
BuyThe Substitute of Last Resort Google Play Books e-book format
BuyThe Substitute of Last Resort Barnes & Noble e-book format
ListenThe Subsitute of Last Resort Audible

All New Edition!

A financial crisis! With dough running low at Noe School, Principal Ouia bans that most popular non-consonant that follows d and is prior to f. That common writing symbol was also cut from this book!
Lipogram (from Ancient Greek: λειπογράμματος, "leaving out a letter") a kind of writing in which a particular letter or group of letters is avoided—usually a common vowel, and frequently "E", the most common letter.
BuyNOE SCHOOL Amazon paperback
BuyNOE SCHOOL Kindle format
BuyNOE SCHOOL Apple Books e-book format
BuyNOE SCHOOL Google Play Books e-book format
BuyNoe School Barnes & Noble e-book format
BuyNoe School Audiobook Audible

Meet Blanco, the Last Lighthouse Giant

Ages ago, giants arrived on the coastlines of the world. They built tall round houses on the dark headlands. From the high windows the lighthouse giants shone bright lanterns out to sea to guide ships safely past their homes.
Blanco is the last of the lighthouse giants. From sunset to sunrise he shines his fish-oil lantern from his house on Cape Humbug, to aid steamer ships along the Oregon coast.
Jenny Hughes, age ten, is Blanco’s friend. Jenny lives with her father, Jacob, on the Hughes Dairy Ranch below Cape Humbug. Each day Jenny and her father bring Blanco a kettle of clam chowder for his daily meal. Jenny teaches Blanco reading and writing. In turn, the lighthouse giant teaches Jenny, who wishes to become a marine scientist, the ways of the ocean and its creatures.
Blanco’s job is threatened when a conman arrives in Port Beaver, hoping to replace the giant with a first-order Fresnel lens and modern machinery. Can Jenny help save the giant’s lighthouse job? A tough task considering the entire town is against her.
BuyThe Last Lighthouse Giant Amazon hardback
BuyThe Last Lighthouse Giant Amazon paperback
BuyThe Last Lighthouse Giant Kindle format
BuyThe Last Lighthouse Giant Apple Books e-book format
BuyThe Last Lighthouse Giant Barnes & Noble e-book format
BuyThe Last Lighthouse Giant Google Play Books e-book format
BuyThe Last Lighthouse Giant Amazon Audiobook Audible

Yellowstone Log
my first solo trip

A journal of my first solo trip at age 16 to Yellowstone National Park. I hitched and bussed there with a giant yellow backpack. I returned to Minnesota with nothing. All did not go well.(Free download)