Part 1

Not long ago, in a small suburban town not far from San Francisco, California, Mr. Maximillian Ouia, principal of Noe School, this town’s only grammar school, sat in a cushy chair in front of his staff. His icy look ran from man to woman and back again.
Wringing his hands, Principal Ouia said, “Folks, our school district has a crisis, a financial difficulty. Frankly, this school is running low on dough. And, owing to this sorry situation, I must drastically cut our school’s curriculum.”
Pausing, Maximillian took a long drink of cocoa from his brown mug. His following words would no doubt astonish his faculty of forty instructors, assistants, and custodial staff.
“From now on, this administration forbids you or any of your pupils from using that fifth symbol in our ABC’s, that non-consonant following D and prior to F.”

Noe School’s staff sat aghast. Nobody said a thing.
“Anyway, to avoid confusion, this thing I’m banning has many phonics sounds and is found fifth in your dictionary. From this day forward, no individual in this school can say any word containing that mark, look at it in any book, or put it in writing. You will omit that symbol totally from your vocabulary, in your classrooms, in our hallways, and on our playground.”