Peace Pizza
From The Elevator Family:
In a matter of seconds, a man’s voice on the phone said, “Hello, Peace Pizza Parlor.”
“Please deliver your largest pizza with the works on it,” said Walter. “We’re staying at the San Francisco Hotel.”
“What floor?” asked the pizza man.
“We’re in the Otis room, so it depends on what time you show up,” answered Walter. “Floor eleven, perhaps fifteen. We’ve been on floor twenty a lot lately.”
A half-hour later the door of the little room opened in the lobby. A boy wearing a striped shirt and blue baseball cap stood by the reception counter. He held a flat box on his palm like a waiter. Mrs. Quinn, the receptionist, pointed to the Wilsons, and the boy jogged over to them.
He placed the pizza on the little table and looked around. “You know, I’ve delivered pizzas to picnic grounds, hospital rooms, fire stations, and battleships in the bay,” he said. “But, you know, this is a first.”
Walter handed the boy some money that included a generous tip. “Only the best for our family,” he said. “Nothing less will do.”
Mushing With Shypoke
From Elevator Family On Ice:
Winslow looked toward the waving flag. “You must be from Finland,” he said.
“That’s right,” said the man. “My name is Shypoke Crisp. I moved to the south shore of Lake Minnetonka a few months back.”
“My parents were from Finland,” said Sam. “They moved to Minnesota before I was born.”
The man nodded again. He showed much interest in Sam’s every word.
“Catch many fish this morning, Mr. Crisp?” Whitney asked
“Fish?” said the man. “I’m not out here to fish.” He clutched his binoculars. “I come out on the ice to train my sled dogs.”
The Wilsons looked toward the six huskies lying in the snow.
“Do they have names?” Whitney asked
“Yksi, Kaksi, Kolme, Neljå, Viisi, Kuisi,” the man recited.
“Those are the numbers one through six in Finnish,” said Sam. “My mom taught me some of the language when I was little.”
“So, you ride out here on the sled?” Winslow asked.
“That’s right,” Shypoke said. “I raised and trained sled dogs back home. I just started a sled dog business here in Minnesota.”
The Elevator Family On Ice


Wintertime! The Wilsons take the train to the Twin Cities to attend the SMALL (the Society of Minimal and Living Little) Conference. They find the snow and ice-covered lakes to their liking. The small Warming Hut beside the ice-skating rink is a perfect place for them to stay. Better yet, how about the tiny hut they find on the ice of Lake Minnetonka? Buy
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Sam's Vanlife Ventures
From Elevator Family On Ice:
Another booth told all about van life, the joys of living simply in a van. The Wilsons knew the young man who worked in the booth.
“Sam!” Walter and Winona said.
“Nature Boy!” said Whitney and Winslow.
“Mr. and Mrs. Wilson!” said the man. “Whitney and Winslow! How good to see you again.”
The Wilsons met Sam when they stayed in the fire lookout tower in northern Minnesota. At the time he was living off the land.
“But I’m no longer Nature Boy,” Sam said. “Now I’m just Sam Saarinen. I bought a van, fixed it up, and now I’m driving around the country enjoying life in a van.”
Winslow, admired the photos in the booth. “Vanlife looks wonderful,” he said. “Seeing new sights and meeting new people every day.”Visit the Elevator Family Enterprises page
What?
From The Elevator Family:
The taller of the men pulled a red bandanna from his back pocket and wiped his neck. “Whoa! Wow! Wee!” he said. “They’re getting closer all the time. Someday they’re going to catch us.”
“Those fans nearly tore me shirt right off me back,” said the shorter man. “One grabbed me hair. Another ripped me jacket.”
The woman slumped to the floor. “Twelve more cities!” she said. “A dozen more times we must go through this.”
As the little room started upward Walter lowered his newspaper. “Splendid. More company,” he said.
Winona set down her sketch pad. “You look frazzled, dear,” she said. “I hope you don’t have a fever.”
The three newcomers stared at the Wilsons.
“Whoa! Wow! Wee!” went the tall man. “More people! You can’t escape them.”
“Please, no more autographs?” said the short man. “Me hand is killing me from writing me name so much already.”
“Relax,” said Walter. “Sit down and sit tight. We’re the Wilsons, and who may you be?”
The tall man sat on the edge of a trunk. “What?” he answered.
“What is your name?” asked Winona.
“That’s right,” said the short man, sitting on the other trunk.
Whitney looked up from her paperback. “You’re What?”
“Fantabulous,” said Winslow. “You’re the rock band called What?”
Walter looked at his newspaper. “Why here’s your picture on the front page,” he said. “It’s says you’re What, and you’re playing a concert in the city tonight.”
Visit the Elevator Family Enterprises page
The Substitute of Last Resort
Class out of control? Will no regular substitute dare enter the fourth-grade classroom? It's time to press the red button under the office clock to summon Miss Subway, the substitute of last resort. This sub has the right gadgets in her canvas bag to put the fourth-graders back in order.
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Mom's Just Fish Wagon
From Elevator Family On Ice:
“We need more refreshments for our party,” said Winona. “We don’t have enough fish and batter for everyone.”
As she spoke, a food truck appeared on the ice. It drove up to the Wilson’s shack and parked beside the ice carousel. On the side of the truck were the words:
MOM’S JUST FISH WAGON
GOOD LUNCHES AND DINNERS
MADE WITH THE WILSON FAMILY’S FAMOUS SECRET FISH BATTER
The side of the truck folded open. In the van stood a big-bellied man with a long gray ponytail.
“Mom!” the Wilsons shouted.
Yes, inside the food truck was none other than Milton Oliver Montgomery, aka Mom, the very man Walter had created the Wilson Family’s Famous Secret Fish Batter for. Visit the Elevator Family Enterprises page
Elevator Family Musical Mixtape
Cathy's Blooms
From Elevator Family Plays Hardball:
After recess, a green van pulled into the school parking lot. The van had flower bouquets painted on the side along with the words:
Cathy’s Blooms
The next thing the Wilsons knew, Cathy, an old friend from San Francisco, stood outside the Coots Apartment. She held a bouquet of carnations. A baby was strapped on her front.
“Cathy!” Walter and Winona shouted as one.
“What a surprise!” said Winona.
“The last time we saw you was at your wedding to Gavin,” said Walter.
The girl handed the flowers to Winona. “Hello, Mr. and Mrs. Wilson,” she said. “Word has spread throughout Happy Valley that the famous Elevator Family is staying here. The flowers are for your housewarming.
“How kind,” said Winona. “This reminds me of the flowers Gavin brought to us in the Otis room during our stay at the San Francisco Hotel, because he was too shy to talk to you in your flower stall.”
“And guess what?” said Cathy. “Now I own my own flower delivery business, Cathy’s Blooms, and I have my own flower delivery van.”
๐นHear and watch the song Sometimes from The Elevator Family Musical (lyrics)
Visit the Elevator Family Enterprises page
The Party Song

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SMALL Convention
From Elevator Family On Ice:
The Wilsons continued to tour the SMALL exhibition. The largest booth in the hall sold Elevator Family books and merchandise—Elevator Family Pick-Up Sticks, Elevator Family dolls, Elevator Family barbecue aprons, and Elevator Family hats.
“Great Scott,” said Walter. “Bob Brown, our manager, has been busy.”
A young woman in the booth stood up, “Wow! The Elevator Family has come to visit the Elevator Family booth,” she said. “Hi, I’m Amanda Brown. Bob Brown is my uncle.”
“So, Mr. Brown has his family working for him,” said Walter.
“The whole Brown family has become a lot closer since Uncle Bob met you in the San Francisco Hotel,” Amanda said.
“I’d like to buy one can of Elevator Family Pick-Up-Sticks,” said Winslow.
“And I’ll take one Elevator Family sketch pad,” said Winona.Visit the Elevator Family Enterprises page
The Very Tall Teacher
Miss Biggy,
the 111-foot-tall teacher!
Meet Miss Biggypedagog, the new very tall teacher for the third-grade class out in the Portable classroom. Buy the Very Tall Teacher series bundle
Bob Brown, Elevator Family Enterprises Manager
Bob Brown, EFE President & Manager
"That's the way the world works."
From last chapter of The Elevator Family:
After breakfast Mr. Brown paid a visit. A dab of shaving cream jiggled beneath one sideburn.
“I just read about you people in the newspaper,” he announced. “Your picture gave me an idea. Why couldn’t this family become the latest fad? We’ll call you the Elevator Family. We can see Elevator Family dolls and Elevator Family books. There will be Elevator Family lunch boxes, Elevator Family sweatshirts, and coming soon—The Elevator Family Movie. This could be the idea I’ve been waiting for. If this fad catches on, I won’t need to leave home anymore.”
๐นHear and watch the song That the Way the World Works from The Elevator Family Musical (lyrics)
Visit the Elevator Family Enterprises page
Cozy Up to the Whiteboard

Cozy Up to the Whiteboard
WT Melon Publishing
Poems from the Classroom at the End of the Hall
$5.99 70 pages paperback/e-book
Ages 7 and up ISBN 9781123259131
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Arctic Ark Songs
The Last Lighthouse Giant



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๏ฟผShrinking Teacher
I saw my last year’s teacher.
Had she shrunk an inch or two?
It took me time to figure out,
She was no shorter... I grew.
๐ผHear the song Shrinking Teacher! Listen


Elevator Family Musical

Song Demos
1. Otis--Wilsons (video) Lyrics
2. Way the World Works--Mr. Brown (video) Lyrics
3. Sometime--Gavin & Cathy (video) Lyrics
4. Oui, Oui-Oui—Mrs. Golden Gate (video) Lyrics
5. Party Song-Wilsons (video) Lyrics
6. Never Kidnap a Kid-Kidnappers (video) Lyrics
7. Best Things in Life-Ensemble (video) Lyrics
8. Elevator Music (incidental music)
Irene, Tetherball Queen
Irene, Tetherball Queen
Like a nimble ballerina,
She'll rise onto her toes.
To swat the orb into orbit;
Around the pole it goes.
We surround the white ring,
Watching the yellow sphere.
The ball and string it's tethered to,
Like magic disappear.
She's the best kid at this game,
Our playground's ever seen.
No one in school can put her out,
Irene, Tetherball Queen.
She's neither strong or very long,
Sweet timing is her skill.
She picks her hits and knows the tricks,
To help her make a kill.
Way high and fast, the ball blows past.
She never let's it stop.
When the rope winds, the T-pole finds,
A turban at the top.
Won't make a lick of difference,
When she becomes a teen.
For now may she enjoy her rein,
Irene,Tetherball Queen.
๐ผHear the song Irene, Tetherball Queen! (video) Listen and watch
Download pdf
Teacher Stuff
Elevator Family Play



"Beneath its blissfully buoyant surface, The Elevator Family has something important to say about the effect of one family on the world and vice versa. But that theme never overwhelms the gentle humor."
Margaret Quamme, The Columbus Dispatch
"A delightful surprise... In an age where we are taught to be suspicious, The Elevator Family may be a nod to a simpler time. But it's a nice reminder that if we took to the time to get to know the people swirling around us, we'd likely find a lot of good."
Dennis Thompson, Theatre Roundtable of Central Ohio
DIRECTOR’S NOTES: Choosing an unfamiliar title
Why did I choose The Elevator Family to bring to the CCT stage? I doubt any of you had every heard of the show - I hadn’t either until I read it. lt was one of the 30 or 40 new scripts that come across my desk every year. I read them all. Most of them aren’t very good, or they aren’t right for CCT for one reason or another. But once in awhile I get a new script that calls out to me. Elevator Family was one of those. When I read Douglas Evans' play l found a charm and an innocence that reminded me of my childhood. I grew up in a time and place when one assumed the best in people. It was a time when if you met a stranger, you would simply smile and think “Hello! What do you do?” We were open to all the good things people had to offer.
Sadly, in today’s world it seems the majority of what we hear about is negative: bad people, bad events, and bad things. We naturally want to protect our children, and we teach them to be wary of danger, but I have a fear that today’s children are growing up focusing on the “possible” negatives in people instead of the positives. Despite the violence and horrors we hear about today, I truly believe that the vast majority of people in this world are really good people. We just don’t hear about them as much.
The Elevator Family is a play about good people: It’s a family that assumes the best in people. They welcome strangers, make friends easily and openly, and are a positive influence in their world, but they also have the wisdom to observe when things aren’t quite right. I don’t expect this world to ever return to the innocence of my youth. But I take pleasure in presenting this unique family from a different time and place. So, welcome to the world of the Wilson Family, where looking at the positive side of humanity is just the way things are done.
William Goldsmith, Artistic Director Columbus Children's Theater
Amanda Tucker's Poem
Your Challenge
Sorry, son, what we’ve done,
Left your world this way.
The Polar Pirate Flag
If you're sailing on the Arctic Ocean and you see a ship flying this flag,
turn and sail away fast!
Anta Claus of Antarctica


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Anta Claus of Antarctica
The School Day Begins
The School Day Begins
It's Monday morning at 7:01.
You’re still half asleep; your homework’s half done.
Your shower is cold; your oatmeal’s dry.
Your mother forgets to kiss you good-bye.
You’re walking to school; it’s thirty degrees.
Your fingers won’t work; your toes and ears freeze.
Your zipper is stuck; your left sneaker squeaks.
Your backpack strap snaps; your soup thermos leaks.
You slip on school steps; you trip in the hall.
The toilet floods in the bathroom stall.
The gym door is locked; library’s the same.
The principal greets you by the wrong name.
Your classroom is hot; the coat rack is packed.
Your bean sprout is dead; your clay pot is cracked.
Your pencils are dull; the sharpener jams.
Your fingers get crunched when your desktop slams.
Your math partner’s gone; your neighbor is rude.
Your teacher’s again in a crabby mood.
The morning bell rings; it's 8:01.
Come cozy up to the whiteboard,
Another school day has begun.
๐ผHear the song The School Day Begins (video) Listen and watch
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The Elevator Family







The Wilsons stay in the mobile Otis Room in the San Francisco Hotel. It has its ups and down. The tight-knit family meet many people who visit their tiny room and help the police catch some kidnappers.

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Apple Island, Home of All Teachers
Read Apple Island, the Truth About Teachers Part 1 (pdf)